Ooh La La!

My oh my aren't we sophisticated? You look like the type of yuppie that knows his shit. You know your wine, your cheese, and you'd never be fooled by farm raised salmon would you? Except you fucking would! HA HA HA!
In the last decade or two, western Washington state enjoyed (and still enjoys) a massive influx of California yuppies who strangely decided to embark on a mass exodus from the Golden State to our humble shores. They brought with them their lovely yuppie culture that some of the more affluent north westerners decided to adopt. Therein lies the problem. Yuppieism just doesn't jive with the northwest lifestyle. Forget Microsoft. The true residents of Puget Sound are a bunch of hard drinkin' hard fishin' deer slayin' foul mouthed lumberjacks. Yuppie isn't in their blood. Yet they try. And the results are absolutely fucking laughable.
One of the things I require of my waitstaff is to act as a sort of bullshit filter between me and the dining room. They don't always succeed. Some dumbass wannabe yuppie stumps them and they pass their ingenious inquiry onto me.
This time of year it's always the same. "Is the salmon wild?" they ask me. It's fucking January you fucking dip shit! Coho salmon is a fucking threatened species and Chinook isn't far behind it. Sorry if I don't have a hook up with some rogue fish poacher (actually I do, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna share it with you!) but in the dead of winter there ain't no damn wild salmon from Washington waters that hasn't been in the freezer for fucking months! Do you see what I mean? Some yuppie jerkoff trying to show off their top shelf taste with that question has revealed their bottom tier intelligence. The funny thing is, you could tell them the salmon is wild and serve them some fucked up, farm raised, color added shit fish and they'd never even fucking know the difference. Trust me, I've done it. Those posh motherfuckers have never caught a fish in their lives, they don't know shit. Here's another one, "Are the clams local?"!!!!!!! Are you seriously fucking kidding me? Are the clams local? Fuck you and that stupid fucking question! If you are such a fucking connoisseur of shellfish you would know that WASHINGTON STATE IS THE LEADING SUPPLIER OF CLAMS IN THE UNITED STATES OF FUCKING AMERICA!!!!! You would have to leave this fucking hemisphere to avoid Washington clams you fucking ignorant twat! Of course they're fucking local! Eric Ripert is probably serving manila clams from Washington state right now in New York fucking city so fuck you! Fuck you and your dumb ass question that wasn't really a question but a lame attempt to show off your 'knowledge'. You suck and you don't know dick shit about food so stop trying to impress me. I already hate you, why are you trying to make it worse? Just shut up and eat you fake ass wannabe yuppie pieces of fucking shit! The chef hates you.