Shove that special order up your ass!

Special orders. Fuck I hate 'em. If you don't like mushrooms then don't order a menu item with mushrooms in it OK? Seems like simple fucking logic to me. But no, every night I get a bunch of brainless pissants whose eyes seem to gravitate towards the menu items that contain ingredients they don't like, Just so they can special order and fuck up the flow of the kitchen. Those of you who don't special order, if your food seems like it's taking a long time it's because some jerkoff at another table made a ridiculous demand and screwed up the tempo of the cooks. Most of the time their instructions don't improve the dish any, it just makes them feel special or something. Pathetic cry-for-attention bullshit. Worse than the simple substitution crowd are the create-a-meal dip shits. These people are absolutely amazing. They pick and choose various ingredients from the spectrum of menu choices to have me create a dish that ends up being something akin to a steaming pile of rancid horseshit. Then they complain when it tastes bad. Some yuppie douchebag that couldn't tell a sauté pan from the crack of his ass wants to tell me how to cook. If you people know so much about food and cooking then why are you paying me to cook for you? Cook that sick shit yourselves and leave me out of it. Then you got the sauce on the side fuckers. WHY??? Most protiens (meat, fish, poultry) are cooked in the sauce, which gives the sauce and the protien it's flavor. You have no idea how badly you are fucking up a perfectly good meal when you order it like that. Puting the sauce on the side isn't as simple as you dumbasses seem to think. It involves completly reworking the recipe which is a pain in the ass and results in an inferior product. The menu in my restaurant presents dishes that are the best they can be. That's why they're on the menu the way they are. Don't go fucking them up! If you think you can do better, open your own restaurant or cook at home. The only people who have an excuse for special ordering are the ones with food allergies and even they piss me off sometimes. More on them later. In the meantime, if you don't like what's on the menu then eat somewhere else. Don't ruin the chef's creations.

Until next time, the chef hates you.

Edit:
I forgot to mention one of my favorites. Recovering alcoholics that don't want wine in the sauce. Give me a fucking break you whiny shit-bags! More pathetic cry-for-attention bullshit. There's no fucking alcohol in the sauce, dummy. It gets cooked out. The sauce won't taste anything like wine when it's done you dumb fucks! The wine is a tool that causes solids to dissolve and bind together with various liquids to form a good sauce. Leaving it out fucks the whole thing up. What gets me is these useless fucktards have no problem ordering a vinaigrette on their salad. What do you think vinegar is made out of? It's made out of wine dumbass! In fact vinegar tastes more like wine than my sauce will! Yet you'll eat it with out batting an eye. Get your head out of your ass you cry baby bitch. The chef REALLY hates you.